Author: Irks_and_Quirks

So, I’m sometimes arachnophobic…this post contains talk of spiders…

*(Please note…this post is more of a long and oddly-worded question…)* Okay, hands up if you aren’t afraid of, or actually like spiders…! Good…good. Now, if your hand is up, keep it up and very slowly (but without dawdling) move to the back of the room. And by ‘move to the back of the room’ I mean check yourself…take a good long hard look at your life and realise you need to re-evaluate several things, we can’t trust people like you here. Having said that…I may or may not be joining you. I don’t know yet. See I’m terrified of spiders and as you would expect get panicky and lightheaded when I see them…except for those times when I’m not terrified of spiders, and I’m fascinated by, and will happily manhandle them. Confused yet? Ok, good. There I was minding my damn business laying on the sofa watching ‘The Good Place’ eating Nutella straight out the jar – you know, just your standard Saturday breakfast routine, when a tiny blur of motion caught my eye, …

10 random things about me…

Um, ok. I am not very good at these types of posts, (and, also, I’m kind of hoping no one will notice that I’ve been just a smidge…uninspired about what to post this time around…so…we’re just going to calmly move on…). You know what it’s like when someone asks you to say something about yourself, and your mind just goes completely blank as if you haven’t been you your whole life and know yourself better than anybody else? That’s what this feels like. And so it is that before I’ve even started typing thing number one I’m at a loss. I’m just going to let my fingers do the work and hope for the best. I get unnecessarily irritated when people sit next to me on a near empty bus. Seriously, what is your deal anyway? Isn’t it just simple Bus Etiquette (or is it a London Transport Thing?) to not sit/breathe next to (or immediately in front of…or behind of…or to the left or right of) another human on public transport unless the other …

Yes, I’m bitching about exercise…again…

I promised myself that this year…this year…I would find an exercise/workout routine I liked. Because then (I hypothesised optimistically and prematurely) I wouldn’t be able to make excuses about not keeping fit. You see, I hate exercise with passion. So much passion, and if I could bottle up the passion that I actively put into hating exercise and unleash it into every other aspect of my life, I would probably be the richest most incredibly successful person on the planet…but then I’d have no excuse to not work out…and I simply refuse to accept that life, so… To stay true to my promise to myself, I’ve been trying new things. So far, I’ve tried: Workouts at a piss-poor time in the morning with a friend in the local park. This ended abruptly when she had the nerve to catch an attitude with me because I stopped for a large hot chocolate with whipped cream and a croissant 10 minutes into the session……the warm up session……but honestly, it’s not my fault, it’s Pret’s fault for being …

My week of customer service pissiness…

Is it just me…or is customer services in some parts going to hell? It’s been one of those bad service weeks, where trying to accomplish a simple task – like paying a bill, or buying groceries, was unnecessarily complicated. These are some examples of the crappy service I received. Trying to pay a bill: Advisor: [picked up after only 2 rings] Me: [silently, and somewhat prematurely thinks: oh goody, this is going to be easy, whoop whoop!] Adviser: good morning, my name is Danny, how can I help you today? Me: [somewhat brightly] hi, I’d like to pay a bill please Advisor: [unnecessarily perkily] certainly! I’ll just take you through some security questions and I’ll get that sorted for you, can you just confirm your full name and address please?[queue name and address confirmations, and a bonus 10-point security question quiz thrown in absolutely free] Advisor: and you are the account holder? Me: yes Advisor: ok…thank you for getting through security…oh! [brief pause, and scarily rapid typing sounds ensue] I can see here…it’s been a …

4 Things I learned during a clear out…

As you know spring is just around the corner, and I figured I would get an early start on the spring cleaning thing. You know, like a pre-spring-clean spring clear-out before the post spring-clear-out spring clean (OK, I admit that sentence was completely unnecessarily, but it was fun to type, so don’t judge me).  And the way I decided to do it, was to dump all of the junk from my wardrobe, all the closets and cupboards into a giant pile in the middle of my living room floor, because I didn’t think I had that much stuff (wrong!) and I figured it would take me maybe an hour max to get everything sorted (double wrong!) and then I’d sit back and relax in my new clutter-free minimalistic space with an insane sense of smugness/enlightenment, while I silently judged all those who choose to surround themselves with unnecessary junk. Soooooooooooooooo. A week after I started, the way it ended up was a little bit different from my dreamy imaginings. I mean really, who knew dumping …

Carrot Cake Cupcakes…

I love, like LOVE cake. Especially when it’s homemade – I mean, really and truly if there is a person out there who doesn’t love a fresh-out-the-oven cake, I don’t want to meet them (unless it’s to tell them how wrong they are). Carrot cake is a personal favourite, so I figured I’d go right ahead and share a little carrot cupcake with cream cheese frosting recipe. Before you get into it, here’s what you should know: I have NO idea how many calories are in this thing…! I don’t think of edible things that way (sorry…?). But it’s safe to say, it’s probably not low calorie, or low fat, or massively healthy. It’s cake! It’s a treat. It’s not like you’re going to eat the entire batch by yourself (unless you are…not gonna judge)…so…let’s be sensible about it mkay? Great! This recipe made me 24 cupcakes. Ingredients: 250g self-raising flour. 200g light brown sugar. 200g caster sugar. 60g ground almonds 300g grated carrots X2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 350ml vegetable oil 4 medium eggs X1 …

10 more things that ruin a good book…

If you’re a bookworm, you know the truth. That reading is basically an adrenaline fuelled, high-octane sport. And as with any extreme sports, it has its high points and some low points. For example, (and before you read this, please read the previous ‘Things that ruin a good book…’ post)…here’s some (more) things I think can ruin a good book. Being unable to find a comfortable reading position: The book is roughly the same size and shape as a cinderblock, and you refuse to download the eBook, because no matter what people say, it’s just. Not. The. Same. So, you end up hunchbacked on the sofa while your knees go numb from the weight of the book, then you try to read it laying down on your front in your bed, book propped on the pillow, chiropractor on speed dial, then on your back with the book in the air, where it betrays you by promptly falling on your face, knocking your glasses off and poking you in the eye even though you’ve shown it …

I’ve realised I will never really love exercise…

I wasn’t blessed with good health. Or chiselled features, or washboard abs. Good general tone and muscular structure? Nope. I got that family ass though. That was my gift. When it comes to staying healthy, I have to actually put the work in. How I wish I was one of those people who could do nothing and look and feel fabulous, but that is and will always remain nothing more than a pipe dream. When it comes to my health I know that simply eating healthily isn’t enough, I need to pair the eating well with exercise, yet when it comes to exercise I simply cannot motivate myself. My willpower is less than zero, I go through enormous amounts of effort planning a week of barely intense workouts…then fail miserably and give up halfway through the first week. I’m kidding of course! Halfway through the first minute would be more accurate. I. Just. Can’t. The only times I manage to consistently (and temporarily) stick to any kind of exercise routine is when it’s physiotherapist/doctor mandated. …

Things that ruin books…

I love books and always have. I’m that person who would rather stay in and read, than go out and party (a book is like a party in your mind right?). But, I tend to find that no matter how great a book is. No matter how good the world-building, or how strong the characters, or how intriguing the plot…there are some things that leave me feeling cheated. Surely, I can’t be the only one who gets unnecessarily infuriated by the following: The “It was just a dream” ending… This is something that has irked me since I was a kid. You know how it goes. The plot drew you. You were left laughing, and crying, and scratching your head wondering how the main character was ever going to get out of whatever sticky situation they were in because every possible outcome you could imagine was completely illogical…then you get to the end and it was all just a dream. Like, what? I am lose use of properly English to explain how much I hate this. …