2 minute read.
If you were part of a couple…Happy belated valentine’s day! If you weren’t and you shame-ate a box of heart-shaped chocolates in bed, then cry-drank a bottle of merlot over the kitchen sink (no? just…just me? Because if so…)…um…………
…then congratu-freaking-lations you survived the most pressure-filled-romance day of the year and have safely made it through to Singles Awareness Day! A day dedicated to letting you know…you don’t need to be part of a couple to be fulfilled and happy…it’s OK for you to be alone despite the increasingly thinly-veiled comments from your family about marriage and babies and biological clocks …and you tell yourself that you fully support this day, and your support doesn’t in any way shape or form subtly reek of desperation and bitterness but-maybe-that’s-why-I’m-drawn-to-it…*continues typing in #proudfuturecrazycatlady #onlyveryslightlybitter #kiddingnotkidding*
Here’s 5 ways to celebrate your singledom:
- Shame-eat a box of heart-shaped chocolates and cry-drink a bott-…oops no, this one’s for a different list. We’re going to ignore this and pretend we never read it.
- Take yourself on a date: Why the hell not? Go watch that freaking movie and have nobody steal your popcorn after they said they didn’t want any, get yourself a table at the fanciest restaurant you can afford and have a full on two-person conversation with yourself, because you are a strong, confident person, who only needs themself1 to be happy. (Optional but highly recommended: loudly talk to yourself and laugh heartily at your own jokes. Tell yourself you love yourself. Order two of every meal/drink).
- Go to the store and buy all the leftover valentine’s day confectionary, alcohol and teddy bears at a non-inflated, non-extortionate price. Win-win for you and your bank account. Plus, if you buy enough teddy bears you can build yourself a Singles Awareness Day fort…the perfect place to eat and drink your goodies…
- Burn everything you ever got given in a relationship: I mean, obviously unless it was like…diamonds…or a car, or a house2, because then that would be crazy (and arson. You know…Illegal?). And for sure you might be quirky to the core…but one thing you are not? Is crazy. You…are not crazy. Or maybe you are? (Is this…could this…be why you’re single and reading lists like this? Do you need to have a conversation with yourself and re-evaluate your life choices?3)
- Create slightly bitter lists about being single and post them to your blog: um…
- 4Smugly (and silently) judge your coupled-up friends: Especially when they complain because they ‘can’t believe’ their partner/spouse forgot this…the most romantic day of the year, or didn’t take their not-so-subtle hints about where they wanted to go and what they wanted to do on this…the most romantic day of the year. You are safe in the knowledge that the only person who can disappoint you is you. And you’re awesome so that’s never going to happen!
Happy Singles Awareness Day!
- I wholeheartedly reject the notion that this isn’t a real word. ‘Themselves’ just seems to ‘too multiple person-y’.
- For future reference, where are you all finding these people who buy you diamonds, cars and homes…while I can only find people who want a full refund for the McDonald’s fries (you know, from the saver’s menu), they let me have one of…?
- No judgement, honest!!
- It only says ‘6’ instead of ‘5’ because the first one didn’t count, obviously.