I’d like to preface this by saying I’m increasingly convinced that this whole enjoying exercise thing is a myth perpetuated by Big Gymnasium in order to keep us buying gym memberships. And when you actually stop to think about it…who is really benefiting from that membership you paid for but don’t use? Who?! Bet you’ve never thought about it that way before have you?
I have written before about my passionate hatred of exercise (here, and also here amongst other places), and it still is very much an extremely passionate, all-consuming hatred. I have never looked forward to, nor have I ever enjoyed any kind of exercise session, and I’m at that age now where I believe that isn’t ever going to happen for me. I exercise because I know intellectually that it is probably (OK fine, completely) the right thing to do to in order to stay healthy…and admittedly (and this is a very…very…resentful admission), when I don’t work out at all, I feel like crap. It’s a conspiracy I tell you. I hate it all.
I really hate it all. But…I’m trying a new thing where I try to stay positive and find the good in all things and situations (who knows how long that will last?!). So I thought really hard, and discovered there are actually a few things I enjoy about workouts.
Here’s my five favourite things about exercising:
- Buying, trying on and living in workout gear: It’s some of the most comfortable clothing known to man. Honestly! They’re missing a trick marketing workout clothes exclusively to people who work out. It’s a dumb move. Think about it…what do you wear to clean the house? What do you wear to lounge around the house? What do you wear to pick up groceries to eat in the house? Boom. leggings. Boom! yoga pants.
- You get to look forward to not working out: For every second you curse the day you were born as you pound the treadmill, and hold a plank for one more damn second as you add your trainer to your growing list of enemies…that’s one more second you’re closer to not pounding the treadmill or holding that damn plank. And the best part is, once you’ve finished exercising, it’s the longest period of time before you need to exercise again, yay.
- The smugness is real: I mean, for sure it’s a pain (literally, mentally…spirit-u-ally) to workout but I still have a somewhat undeserved sense of smugness when I’m done. No wait, it’s totally deserved. You know how it goes – you talk to a friend who complains to you that they’ve spent the whole day lazing around in bed caught in a Netflix spiral, and you waste no time regaling them with details of your salsa cardio session, and your upcoming plans for HIIT Pilates which you know will leave you sore for days (assuming you actually go) but hey…that’s the price you’re willing to pay for not being a lazy bitch. She is so damn lazy! Tut.
- My raggedy self can get away with looking raggedy: If you happen to be wearing workout clothes outside and you look like a raggedy, hot sweaty mess, everyone just assumes you’ve been exercising…and that ‘raggedy, hot sweaty mess’ isn’t just the way you regularly look. So…you know…everyone is happy.
- Compiling a workout playlist: Basically, the best part of working out. Sitting with iTunes open and listening through the tracks – sometimes pausing for a dance break – (which of course counts as exercise, so that’s time deductible from the upcoming workout session) – and ending up with the perfect playlist. It’s an underrated skill. It needs to start off slow enough to get you in the mood and properly warmed up, then you need to speed it up at the perfect pace – not too fast you don’t want to get too pumped too soon…then you have to slow it down again at the right pace to cool off…it’s an exact science. And it is technically a workout (an auditory workout is still a workout). I sleep so well afterwards.
And, I have it on good authority that if you play that playlist on the way to work, when you’re cleaning, or lounging around…it’s practically a work out when you really think about it…right?