Author: Irks and Quirks

Why do people laugh if you say you want to write?

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I love…like L-O-V-E all things books, writing and word related. Books = slight (yes, slight) obsession  (regardless of what the family say – I think it’s perfectly acceptable for an adult to have a full-scale toddler-style meltdown because they only have 50 unread books left in the house, so…). But you know what I mean, when you tell people you want to write  – ideally for a living – you’re not taken seriously. There’s a social gathering, and after the initial round of faux-polite introductions someone starts the whole what do you do thing. And it’s fine for the first couple of people: “I’m an accountant” someone says. Everyone smiles and nods politely there’s a ‘witty’ joke about taxes. “I’m a teacher” someone says. Everyone smiles and nods politely and another ‘witty’ joke about never working with children/animals, and then you say some variation of “I’m an aspiring writer”…and the others exchange sideways glances. A deathly silence fills the room. A huge ball of tumbleweed rolls through. And then the questions begin (and by the way, your aspirations aren’t cool enough for you to get …

Sigh. Another Single Person Post.

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It is a scientifically established fact that there is a direct correlation between the length of time a person is single and the intensity of hell they are given about their single status by people they know and/or have just met, who assume that that person’s (lack of) love life is naturally their business. Some people actively refuse to accept or acknowledge the rights and freedoms of the Single Person (SP) to choose or refuse pair-bonding, and passionately believe that all people should be pair-bonded pretty much while their still in utero. Opponents of the Single Status (OSS) will vehemently reject all of SP’s protestations of happiness and proceed with pitiful match-making attempts (with an increasing number of broken people, or anyone the SP has had any type of interaction with – postman/barista/drunk person who threw up on them on the bus), and not see how they’re behaviour is frustrating. This is because it is believed that Single People either: Secretly desperately want to be in a relationship, or Passionately wish to protect their single …

Molluscophobia…

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Nothing to fear but fear itself – except some people actually have a fear of fear so that sucks. It’s spiders for most people right? But arachnids don’t bother me – there’s one been living in my bathroom so long I’m considering charging it rent – although I admit, I’d probably be a bit freaked out if I met one of its tarantula cousins in its natural habitat. Heights, small spaces, open water, snakes – it’s understandable that some people can develop these types of phobias. But how do you develop a phobia of. See, The thing is… …I just….snails. Snails. Not so much slugs. Mostly snails. There I typed it. I believe they should only exist in the world of Oh. Hell. No. And, if just reading the word ‘snail’ doesn’t instantly trigger a shiver within you which resonates through the very depths of your soul, you’re freaky. Probably shouldn’t insult you dear reader, but it can’t be un-typed now. I understand, it’s not the strangest of phobias, but it’s also not the most …

I Don’t Always Get Fashion…

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I’m not a massive follower of fashion and would definitely consider myself fashionably challenged. I’m not…I mean, I wear clothes. That’s a start right? OK fine. I have a serious fashion impairment. My inner fashionista just never really matured. When friends boast that they got YSL, DG, or CK I resist the temptation to write them a get well card, and for the longest time when people talked about catwalks, I thought they were referring to feline perambulatory techniques.  When it comes to clothes and accessories, I buy and wear whatever seems appropriate for the activity I am about to partake in (this doesn’t always go down too well – some people get really pissy when you even mention wearing Crocs to their weddings). If someone thinks something I am wearing looks good – well, it was a happy accident. That’s not to say there aren’t moments when the mood takes me and I spend a little longer than normal trying to at least get colour coordinated (some people get really pissy when you wear …

Things I Wish I Knew About Being Vegetarian Before I Became One

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Someone I know became veggie and asked me for help (I like to think because I’m full of sage advice – and not because I was the only  person available, and anyway the “sage” thing sounds better so let’s go with that. FYI sage is great with pumpkins…). He was having a hard time with the meat-free part of being meat-free, and asked how I did it. Answer: I went veggie overnight – had a serious crash after three weeks – awoke in a daze days later, my bedroom floor littered with BLT sandwich and cheeseburger wrappers. Glad I didn’t wake up with a bacon tattoo. Living in Camden it could actually have happened. Anyway…Here’s what I wish I’d known: People will take an intense interest in your health and protein consumption: People that didn’t care about your junk-food consumption and fizzy pop addiction before will care passionately now. They’ll probably have an intervention. Mostly about your protein intake. You need to do your research so you can politely explain how they can mind their …

First Post/New Blog Syndrome…

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And then I realised if I was going to have a blog I needed to do some actual writing for it, otherwise I’d just be a weird person who stood behind people screaming “read my damn blog” with a toothy grin while they typed my blog name into their search engines and got nothing but an error page (or one of those generic “blog not ready /damn you for breaking the internet” signs), and that’d just make people think I’m a little nutty. And I’m…just……nope. I don’t mean nope I’m not nutty. I mean nope not a little nutty, because of……it was just a little thing and, anyway I don’t think we should talk about it. Thanks to New Blog Syndrome, I can’t think a damn about what the very first post should be and that’s why it’s this. Apologies. This blog is about things and stuff. I know, your head is reeling from the specificity of it all, so to add to that, here’s a couple of things you should know: I speak fluent sarcasm and apparently …